Balancing Multiple Diagnoses: Brooke Miller

Looking back, my first encounter with OCD behaviors happened when I was around 8 to 10 years old. Folding my dirty laundry before tossing it in the hamper became a must-do ritual to avoid any imagined disasters. As I grew older, my OCD manifested in various forms like contamination fears, perfectionism, harm obsessions, “just right” tendencies, and even magical thinking.

Throughout school and college, I had high achievements and appeared flawless on the outside, but inside, anxiety and stress were slowly eating away at me. It took a lot of courage to seek help for the first time, but unfortunately, my initial therapy experience wasn’t fruitful. Undeterred, I tried a couple more therapists who, although well-meaning, didn’t specialize in exposure response prevention (ERP), which is crucial for OCD recovery.

In 2012, after becoming a mom, my OCD took on a whole new dimension, making it nearly unmanageable. It was a wake-up call, and I finally reached out to a local mental health community outreach program. They connected me with a therapist who is an absolute rock star in OCD and ERP. With his guidance, I learned what true OCD treatment and recovery entailed, and together, we dove into the hard work.

Feeling optimistic, I thought I could handle things on my own and took a break from therapy. Little did I know, a relentless form of OCD called “Pure O” struck me, but I kept it hidden, resulting in missed opportunities for treatment. Eventually, I returned to my therapist’s care as I experienced my first panic attack fueled by a brand new OCD subtype—relationship OCD. Intrusive thoughts and images flooded my mind, causing immense shame and convincing me that I was a cheater.

My self-loathing spiraled, leading to significant weight loss, anorexia nervosa, and a dangerous cycle of punishment. It was a turning point when I finally accepted that I needed help. I underwent an intensive treatment program, followed by outpatient therapy with a dedicated treatment team for both OCD and my eating disorder. It was a journey of ups and downs, relapses and recoveries, but I made slow but steady progress.

Just when I thought things were finally falling into place, life threw another curveball. In 2022, I experienced a manic episode and was diagnosed with bipolar II. Balancing the intensity of my OCD exposures while ensuring stability became my new challenge. With the right medication and ongoing therapy, I began to regain my equilibrium and made remarkable strides in my OCD recovery. It felt like I was finally getting a handle on things.

But the surprises weren’t over yet. Fall of 2022 brought yet another diagnosis: Panic disorder. Frequent and intense panic attacks became a daily struggle. For weeks, my treatment team and I worked tirelessly to manage them. Thankfully, a combination of medication and interoceptive exposures began to bring them under control.

And here we are today! I’m doing really well, managing all my mental health disorders and making progress in my recovery every single day. It hasn’t been easy, but my journey has taught me resilience, perseverance, and the incredible strength of the human spirit.

Remember, my story is just one among millions. We all face unique challenges, but we also share the capacity to overcome and thrive. Let’s continue to support each other, break the stigma, and remind ourselves that mental health is a journey worth taking.

You share a lot of your recovery journey on your blog, Smashing Stigmas. What inspired you to start writing about your experiences?

I firmly believe that those with lived experience are the true experts when it comes to mental health. Unless we’ve walked in someone’s shoes, it’s difficult to grasp the challenges of living with a mental health disorder. That’s why I am dedicated to amplifying the conversation about mental health in our society. Through my blog, Smashing Stigmas, I openly share my personal journey of struggles and triumphs on the path to recovery. My goal is to instill hope in others, showing them that with the right support and resources, they too can experience healing. No one should feel alone in their struggles, and by shedding light on mental health, we can create a world where these experiences are openly discussed and embraced. It’s my passion to use my own recovery journey to uplift and inspire others on their own paths toward wellness.

You’re also an IOCDF Advocate! Why did you decide to join this program? What do you hope to achieve in your role?

I am beyond thrilled and deeply honored to be an IOCDF Advocate! My heart’s desire is to make a meaningful impact by raising awareness, shattering stigmas, and ensuring everyone has access to vital mental health resources. Through sharing my personal journey, I aim to empower individuals grappling with OCD and related disorders, offering them hope and reminding them they are not alone. With this role, I aspire to educate the community, ignite passion for advocacy, and foster a world where mental health is embraced and supported by all.

How do your different diagnoses affect each other, if at all? Has it been a challenge to balance different treatment methods and make sure one doesn’t have a negative impact on another?

I was genuinely amazed to discover how interconnected my different diagnoses are and how they can influence one another. Strikingly, the treatment methods for my OCD, anorexia, bipolar II, and panic disorder showed remarkable similarities, which brought a glimmer of hope to my journey towards recovery. One invaluable approach that played a pivotal role was ERP, a technique employed to tackle my OCD, anorexia, and panic disorder. Through this method, I gradually confronted my fears, dismantled obsessive patterns, and reclaimed control over my life.

Medications have also played a crucial role in my healing process. To balance the serotonin levels in my brain, I take a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI), which has been immensely helpful. Additionally, I have utilized a mood stabilizer to minimize the intensity of depressive and manic episodes associated with bipolar II. It’s been a delicate balance, requiring time and perseverance, but finding the right combination has been instrumental in managing my mental health.

In the past, managing one condition often meant the other would spiral out of control. It felt like a relentless game of whack-a-mole, where as soon as I focused on one aspect, the other would worsen. However, the challenges I faced have been mitigated by the unwavering support of my incredible treatment team. Their collaborative efforts and dedication have been nothing short of a lifeline. My therapist, dietitian, psychiatrist, and primary care provider have worked in harmony, ensuring that I receive the best possible holistic care. I am eternally grateful to them for their unwavering support and guidance on this arduous journey.

Today, I stand as a testament to the power of perseverance and the importance of compassionate care. While it hasn’t been an easy road, the similarities in treatment methods and the commitment of my exceptional team have filled me with optimism. I have learned that even in the face of multiple diagnoses, there is hope for recovery and the opportunity to live a fulfilling life. With the right support, dedication, and a touch of resilience, I believe in the possibility of a brighter future.

What do you consider the biggest misconception about OCD? What about eating disorders?

Ah, let’s break those stigmas and misconceptions once and for all! When it comes to OCD, I believe that the biggest misconception is often the belief that it’s just a quirky personality trait or something enjoyable. Please, let me be clear: OCD is a mental health disorder that can have a profound impact on a person’s life. It’s not a choice, and it’s definitely not something anyone desires or asks for.

Similarly, with eating disorders, there’s a prevalent misconception that they are simply a matter of willpower or a deliberate choice. Nothing could be further from the truth! Eating disorders are serious mental and physical illnesses. In fact, they are known to be one of the most lethal mental health conditions. We must recognize the severity and urgency surrounding these disorders.

It’s time to join forces and challenge these misconceptions head-on. We need to educate ourselves and others, spreading awareness that OCD and eating disorders are not character flaws or choices. They are real, complex, and often devastating conditions that deserve our understanding and support.

Let’s come together as a community to reduce the stigmas that surround these mental health disorders. By sharing accurate information, supporting those affected, and fostering empathy, we can create a more compassionate world where individuals with OCD and eating disorders can feel safe, heard, and understood!

If you could give just one piece of advice to someone with OCD, what would it be?

Oh goodness, only one piece of advice… I’ll try!

First and foremost, I want them to know that they are not alone in this journey. OCD can make you feel isolated and trapped, but there is hope and support out there for you.

My biggest piece of advice would be to seek the right treatment. With the right support and therapy, you can regain control over your life and create a path that aligns with your true values, rather than those dictated by OCD.

Remember, treatment for OCD is not a quick fix, but it is absolutely worth it. Find a therapist who specializes in OCD and ERP, as this evidence-based approach has been shown to be highly effective. Building a strong therapeutic relationship with someone who truly understands your struggles can make a world of difference.

Don’t underestimate the power of support from others who have walked a similar path. Seek out support groups, online communities, or even reach out to mental health organizations specializing in OCD. Connecting with others who truly understand can provide immense comfort and a sense of belonging.

Above all, be kind to yourself. Recovery is a journey, and there will be ups and downs along the way. Embrace your progress, celebrate your victories, and show yourself compassion during the challenging moments. You are stronger than you know, and you have the capacity to reclaim your life from the clutches of OCD!